Maybe men should cry too

Why are you crying, don’t you know you’re a man? Do you want her to see you crying? You should be strong, boy’s don’t cry.

Those were the words we learned as boys, and when we grow up, the tune change to;

Look at you, your mates are driving Camry, see yourself, you are a loser. Yemi bought that beautiful gown for his girlfriend if you see how everyone at the party was looking at the girl, I can’t but imagine how she must be feeling.

But then, what she’s not saying or accepting to talk about is that Yemi is a Yahoo boy, the said girlfriend is a runs girl, anyhoo – all that mattered was that Yemi was sure in vogue, and you as the man, the one striving must pay the toll for the wonderful life of Yemi and his girlfriend.

The tone changed a bit to, see, you’re the man you should know how to fix the light. If you see how Baba Sade repaired the transformer last week, everyone in the community was happy.

While that’s also true, the other truth about it is that Baba Sade was an electrician, a trained one for that matter while the husband is only but a teacher.

Let’s ride back a bit.

Remember when you guys met? You knew he was a teacher, he was doing well at least for himself, and was also able to finance his low-key life, you loved him for who he was, you wanted to be with a teacher.

But after being his wife, being a teacher stopped being cool; you want him in the endless circles of the neighborhood discuss, a man must not just be a teacher you say, he must also be able to repair the light.

Because, according to you, he should be a man.

Growing up, I don’t want to go home after school went on a break, you know why? Because it would be terrible to try such when I will have to explain to my mom why I’m sleeping.

According to her, man must not sleep the way I do. My question is; if a man is a night wolf, is it a sin to sleep during the day?

And that reminds me, how must a man sleep, or because I’m a man – I should not even sleep?

The last time I could remember that this conversation started, it was immediately after my National Diploma at the polytechnics. Before I left school, I had already gotten a job and waiting on my resumption date.

And as someone who was exhausted after 2.5 years of school, all I ever wanted to do is to rest, relax and recuperate before I start my next race. But even at that, I would read at night, try out new skills and sleep during the day so I could wake up by 11 am and start the day.

Then, one day my mom came to my room and said, “men are not supposed to sleep the way you are sleeping,” this was after she barely saw me after more than 12 months.

Growing up as a boy wasn’t that exciting, so is growing up as a man. I have watched so many horrible instances of the way boys were raised, I have watched feminist getting angry for no reason while also mounting unnecessary pressure on boys.

And most notorious of it went this way;

A man, who’s a student and also a hustler, you liked him and wanted to be a part of his life, he eventually became a part of your life, and everything was going on better from the beginning until one day.

The day you realized he wasn’t replying chats on time, the day you wanted all his attention to yourself because you are bored, and the day you wanted him to break his bank for you because you wanted to impress your loser friends.

But wait, it is his fault that he couldn’t do those for you because it is supposed to be his responsibilities. What you’re not interested in talking about is;

The day he didn’t reply your message on time, he was actually having an issue with a bad client; the day you were bored, and he couldn’t talk to you, he was having a bad day; the day he couldn’t finance your insecure life, he just lost some money to a bad deal.

But he wouldn’t tell you, because you don’t care enough, you don’t know what it takes to make money, you never have any real skills, you never need to persuade a client to give you their money, and you never really care enough to listen to him, because he must be a man.

I’m not here to blame you honestly, I’m just trying to ask you to cut him some slack as well, and maybe if you stop being selfish and commit to listening, perhaps he’s not as hard as you claimed.

Or maybe, you’ve been so insecure long enough that you seek validation from others, and he has to be the one to take the blame for your boring life.

No, I’m not saying men are not evil, all I’m trying to say is; consider all those money stolen from the government, you’ll understand that a significant amount of it ends up being used to impress one woman somewhere.

And guess what she uses the money for? Yeah, you guessed right; to buy the shoes she’s not going to finish wearing, the bunch of clothes she has nowhere to stuff them to, and the designer bags she can’t carry all at once.

Most importantly, the scores she keeps on keeping with her girlfriends and her keeping up with the K’s. Yikes!

And before I stop ranting, I know you’ll still be defensive because you hate being called out, but wait, take some time to ask your brother’s ex-girlfriend about him.

I’m sure you’ll see that he also reeks of the same attitude you’re shaming your boyfriend of, but then, it doesn’t matter much since your cognitive biases wouldn’t let you see clearly.

Please cut me some slack and stop asking men to cry, men cry every time – we just learn to deal with our shit and move on.