Trusting people, caring for them and loving them means giving them the right to hurt you. It is that simple. You can’t tell yourself that other people aren’t capable of causing you pain. That they are not capable of doing something wrong. No one is perfect and those you love are capable of mistakes that can shake your small world in more than one way.
There may come a time when they put themselves first and rightly so but it might be at odds with what you want. It might cause you pain. That doesn’t mean you should become apprehensive about everything and everyone around you. Yes, sometimes people screw up and commit mistakes, which we all do at some point in our lives. People you love can let you down and forget the promises that they made. But this doesn’t mean your friendship or relationship is over. It just means that things have gone wrong and you might need to fix them. You might need to work on it a little longer.
But this post isn’t about how to fix relationships with people. It’s about you not living with the belief that those you love cannot or will not hurt you. They will. Maybe more than once.
Like I said in my previous post, what I can control; writing good articles. What I can’t control; how people take it. The same way you can’t control how other people behave, but you can control your reaction to it and how it affect you.
You might need to re-evaluate your relationship. Every kind of mistake doesn’t mean it’s the end, but yes, some do. And it’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth saving or not. It’s on you to decide whether it’s a mistake worth forgiving or whether it’s time to close old chapter and move on.
My friend once told me that there two types of people: people that forgive and forget and try to re-evaluate the relationship or close the chapter and move on, and people that just want to keep hating on the person that has hurt them. I wanted to never to be the latter: By doing so, you’re only poisoning your mind and making yourself suffer. Screwing up is something we all do at some point in our lives. Don’t waste your time dwelling in hurt. Shift your focus on being happy by letting go of the energy of hate and resentment.
Remember that people can actually become better.
If you are too dependent on others for happiness, you are more likely to get hurt. Be happy and confident in who you are and you won’t be easily hurt by anyone else.
As much as you want to experience only good and pleasant things, bad experiences are inevitable. They will happen anyway and you will get hurt.
But what’s important is that you learn to pull yourself back up and to decide whether it’s a mistake worth forgiving or whether it’s time close old chapters and move on.
Degokay
This brought the memories about victimization and victimhood. Rain fall, my roof was thrown out, and I have no option than to either fix the roof, or move out – this us victimhood. Whereas, in victimization, I made myself a victim of what has happened and I dwell on it while blaming myself.
In relationship, while it is noble to trust, we tend to bring our expectations of the next person. While there’s nothing bad with expectations, there’s a thin line between it and codependency.
Sometimes, when we became codependent, we start expecting our friend or partner to be our source of happiness. But the reality of life says, we are responsible for our own happiness.
It is very selfish to expect someone else to provide for you what you haven’t provided for yourself.
This is a brilliant piece of work, keep it going!